it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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