Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my being single is dangerous.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
