First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize