so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
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I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My penis needs a shock collar
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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