listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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