Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
