last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The feeling are messing with the penis
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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