my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I didn't shave. On purpose
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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