The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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