I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
