haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Screwed.edu
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
