Cold hands, warm shart.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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