no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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