sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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