How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize