Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
