Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
