I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
