Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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