so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
