Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
