I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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