why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
