you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
