fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
