Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
