i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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