i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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