So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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