My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
