I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
