thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
