is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
