This dress was meant to end up on your floor
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
