I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just high enough for therapy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
