I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
we should paint friendship bongs
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