need another drink. this is the easiest way
at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
