Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
