He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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