i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
