found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
