Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
