I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
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I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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