my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
