Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
