i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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