dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Drunk is a universal language darling
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
