I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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