Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
