How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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