btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
