did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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