There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
