apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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