i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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