You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
