News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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