And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
