is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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