I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
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You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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