My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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