The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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