Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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