grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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