This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
