she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
