sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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