I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
