"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
