you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
